Week 1. Why am I writing to you?

(14 -21 August 2011)

So Ruben, as we agreed, I’ll begin to write to you about ‘things’.

For these things to make sense – assuming it’s not too pompous of me to believe I’ll be able to write meaningful things – I’d first like set a broader context about why I plan to write to you every week.

My main reason for writing to you is that I’m your father, something that could be considered a freak accident of nature if we take into account the success, or lack thereof, that I had with girls when I was young… until your mother found me. Secondly, in a month and a half I’ll turn 50. So, as I begin to reach a ‘certain age’, I should, in theory, have something to say. Lastly, the fact that you’re studying in Denmark, a few weeks before your seventeenth birthday, gives me an excellent excuse to elaborate on the unbearable ‘droning’ to which I’ve been subjecting you in person; I can now attack you ruthlessly in writing and via Messenger (I knew that one day I would eventually get revenge for your hours spent chatting on line…).

Let me begin by trying to explain why you’re in Denmark. The reason is anything but simple: you’re in Demark as part of your EDUCATION.

We thus approach our first predicament: What is it to educate? Is it possible to educate someone? Is it even healthy to pass on a series of unfounded preconceptions to the next generation? What does the word EDUCATE mean?

Well, let’s see.

But maybe I should first explain how I am going to address each topic. Each time we discuss a topic we’ll first try to pin it down, to define it so as to avoid any misunderstanding about the word itself – the concept that each of us understands when we use a particular word, the meaning we attach to its syllables – so that it doesn’t become a source of futile arguments. This won’t be easy.

You’ll also find I’ll probably end up raising more questions than answers. Instead of simplifying things by giving clear-cut answers, I’ll immerse you in my own confusion in the difficult world of ‘open-ended concepts’, namely, where one does not repeat the automatic responses that former systems of education have etched on our brain. Given half a chance, we sometimes echo these concepts with unquestioning conviction and with the earnestness of someone who says something that must be remembered (without pausing to reflect on what we have embraced).

So, why then are you finishing your education in such a cold country as Denmark, with is obsession with eating raw fish? Because your mother and I believe that learning things that are not in school books will be a positive experience for you.

In other words, we believe that educating you goes beyond what is offered by the standard education system, which is sold (yes, ‘sold’; that is, education has become something to promote and sell, to make money and/or to make a living from...). This is quite apart from the old ideals associated with a teaching vocation, the endeavour of devoting a life to the betterment of future generations by teaching how to apply critical judgement to the reality in which we happen to live.

You see, I’m getting flustered… To educate someone could be defined as the process by which a series of criteria and values are transmitted and transferred so as to assimilate a person into a determined social reality. Were it not for the occasional transference of appalling atrocities it might even seem like a good action.

Let me try another definition. ‘Educate’ could also be defined more negatively: as a type of training process in which hapless, defenceless people are forced to adhere to a set of principles that will condition and constrain them for life. Through this process, they are compelled to accept that the traditions transmitted by this specific social reality – be they religious, cultural, ethnic, political, sexual, familial and so on – are the sole valid precepts by which they should lead their life.

Interestingly, you’ll find that education is mostly defined as something positive when one’s ‘own truths’ are passed down from one generation to the next, yet it’s defined as a ‘corrupt aberration’ when the ‘truths’ it transmits originate from other cultures.

In general, we do this without pausing to reflect that we have chosen neither of these truths, but inherited them through an ‘education’. Needless to say, rather than reflected on or criticised this ‘inheritance’, is usually swallowed whole.

So now you’ll understand that when your mother and I try to ‘educate you’ – or shall we say, encourage you to educate yourself) we’re faced with quite a few predicaments.

On the one hand, we must not only choose which of our views we’d like to convey to you, but also combat those that bombard you from all sides in the reality and time in which you are growing up and which we regard as harmful, such as racism, xenophobia, violent forms of nationalism, dictatorial means, rampant consumerism, chronic superficiality and so forth. What’s more, we need to be aware of the kind of times you’ll live in and consider how to prepare you for them. On top of that we must give you your own space and accept that, in all certainty, your principles will eventually differ from ours (as our principles differ from those of our parents).

Over the coming weeks we will be covering these areas and attempt to distinguish and identify some of the values and criteria we believe may help you lead a ‘good life’ in the philosophical sense of the word. We’ll discuss love, commitment, dedication, loyalty, delayed gratification and other concepts that are in decline, or even savagely derided.

We’ll also try to help you more clearly contemplate your reality (with its desire for endless consumption, search for pleasure as opposed to happiness, immigration ‘problems’, TV ideals, etc.) and how easy it is to get swept along and enveloped by contemporary criteria that, in developed consumer societies, those that are overawed by instant gratification of boundless desires conditioned by the needs of the market, can lead to a dull and empty life (to our mind, of course).

What’s more, in the reality surrounding you that is your lot, you’ll have to make your own decisions and, inasmuch as chance and your own determination allow, steer your boat on the only voyage you’ll have: your own life.

This is why you’re in Denmark. Because we want you to go from being a student, obliged to pass a number of subjects under pressure from your teachers and parents, to becoming a learner, someone who chooses to learn with critical thinking skills, and who strives to achieve the best for himself, without competing against others, in a complex and disorientated world.

This is why we suggested you attend a school where you’ll learn about the international environment with a democratic approach and respect for the law and for differences – not with a woolly tolerance lacking in criteria, but critical respect for what is different. At the same time, we also want you to take stock of yourself and begin to decide how you want to live your life – outside the context of your daily life in Barcelona – and the effort and price that you’re willing to pay to achieve your goals. That is to say, we want you to learn more about yourself and your environment and begin to work on where and how you’ll find your place in the world.

I’m writing to you for all these reasons. And, assuming you read it, I wish you the best of luck!

Week 2. Student or learner

(22 - 28 August 2011)

Before going into other things, I’d like to take up education again and the process in which you are now immersed. I know it’s a bit of a drag, but I’d like to mention the differences between student and learner and the implications it has for you and for this stage in your life.

You are well aware I have often been quite critical of the education system you went through in Barcelona. Undoubtedly, there are some good things about it but it also has, in my opinion, huge gaps and failings. I’ll try to comment on them a bit so that later on I can get to what I believe is the most important thing: your role in the educational process.

On the one hand, like so many things in consumer capitalism, the need to educate has been turned into a product that has to be marketed and profitable (in the case of private or subsidised private education). Sometimes it’s a tool of the state to strengthen the teaching of some specific aspects or approaches, to the detriment of more general ones, and at odds with a specific interpretation of the objectives that education must cover (in the case of public education).

It means that education is objectified (turned into an object) that must be bought by someone or used as a tool to fulfil a political objective.

The focus changes from one supposed priority, that the product is good in and of itself and right for the students and society, to another one that is monetised for profit or used for ‘nation building’.

This is not an insignificant difference, the current approach is not about adapting it to the student (to become a learner… to which I’ll return later) to pave the way for development in which the student can start to find the learning techniques, the different paces at which to learn and create a critical approach to subjects and life, all of which would allow them to begin developing as a person within a particular society.

It’s about something else. It’s about coming up with slogans, sales calls that attend to market needs and that, ultimately, will fill all the available places in a particular school, whether public or private.

In my experience, concepts like the knowledge and use of Catalan, recognition of a certain historical difference, nationalism and a long list of ‘relevant realities and needs’ have become prioritised. On the other hand it has also been about memorising a series of concepts that allow for obtaining some approval ratings or positions in certain rankings that give market value to the ‘educational project’.

Except for cases where you have found a ‘master’, who is committed to knowing you and helping you find your way while you learn some basics that the education system considers necessary, you’re faced with a group of people and a system that, generally speaking, have been of little help to you in what I like to call the educational process.

It really must be said that I have met very few ‘masters’, education professionals that find joy in their work by trying to develop as many education plans as there are students in their classrooms, those who are still professional, despite the scarce resources and support they receive every day. My heart goes out to them for the difficult conditions they face.

Returning to the educational process, there are some things that simply must be learned without complaint. For example, you have to learn to read and write in the language of your social situation. Although it’s not as common now, you ‘must’ even know how to do it according to the grammatical and spelling rules that your ancestors have deemed as proper. Knowledge of the language of your reality and its rules is fundamental for your development and integration – including, in the end, the struggle to change this social reality.

So there are aspects of your education that are a given and you must accept them straight away and, after reaching the highest level of knowledge you are capable of, integrate them into your daily routine. It’s ‘not fair’ (according to almost all teenagers) but it’s practical and will do you good in the end.

I won’t try right now to distinguish which aspects are absolutely necessary and non-negotiable in your education, since this would be a long and difficult subject, but I will say that a basic knowledge of history, geography, natural sciences, mathematics and so on, form part of a foundation that will allow you to get through life more easily.

For example, on the trips you have taken over the last few months (Singapore, Australia and Denmark) and in your conversations with people of other cultures and religions, it’s been useful for you to know basic aspects about their culture, where they are located geographically in the world, relevant aspects of their history, and in particular, their religious beliefs (for example, in your conversation with your Muslim friend from Saudi Arabia).

Other aspects of the things you’ve had to study might seem more obscure or of little use to you at this time. But in addition to giving you a general taste, you’ll surely use them sometime later in life – I know that trigonometry and the flute don’t figure much in your future plans, but anyway, stay with the general idea…

Okay, after getting these paragraphs off my chest and given that these lines don’t pretend to be a treatise on education, I’ll begin to highlight what, in any case, really depends on you. The difference is between student and learner.

Here in Spain, a situation has been created where going to school is a heavy burden, where the adults around you (parents, teachers and in some cases, individuals that really are educators) are continually hounding, demanding, requiring you to do something about something that mainly benefits, as strange as it seems, you yourselves.

It’s ‘cool’ to brag about not studying, not doing the work (or using the Lazybone’s Corner website to do it). In other words, to skive, to do as little as possible, to show off when talking to the teacher or accept that it’s normal to fail and repeat the course.

I won’t lie to you by saying ‘in my day’ we were model students. No, I know you aren’t that naive. But I’ll tell you that these guys who get a 9 or 10 and boast of not having studied are simply lying. There is a direct relationship between the amount of time you study and your results. It’s true that some require more effort than others. But without effort, there are no results from studying.

These outcomes appear during certain weeks as a series of numbers from 0 to 10 as a result of exams. I’m afraid that in some cases they don’t necessarily measure the true progress of the student, their motivation, specific learning needs, or their real orientation towards critical learning. It also seems to me that, in some cases, if the student starts getting results in line with the ratings sought (to improve the school’s ranking) the student is a good ‘product’. So, if the effort required is excessive or if the risk of ruining the rating is too high, it’s better that the student (the problem) go elsewhere, and the sooner the better. The marketing and selling of the product (the school itself and the ‘education product’) becomes more important than whether each individual succeeds.

There are surely many exceptional teachers and schools who give priority to the individual student. But, I have to say that I’m afraid that they remain a minority who are swimming against the current, with few resources and without social support or political stability.

So given the environmental limitations, my first message is that whatever the system doesn’t give you, you have to make up for yourself. In other words, you have to exceed what your surroundings give you and take charge of your own educational experience. You’ll have to gradually go from being a student to a learner. You’ll find there are a lot of things you have to learn even though you don’t like them, even though you won’t see their usefulness in the short term. To continue down your path, there will be barriers that you’ll have to get over or knock down without questioning them, without turning them into your enemies and without forgetting them. You can’t avoid them, only overcome them.

But not everything is like this. Although some subjects are compulsory and despite your dislike for them, other subjects might turn into one of your passions. Some subjects you have to ‘endure’, while there are others that might become part of your life.

You’ll have to learn to learn in the process. You’ll have to learn to take an interest in topics and make the effort to take your research beyond the minimal requirements. Once you have acquired learning methods and practices and become interested in something, there will be no limit to the learning (and the joy that comes with it) that you can achieve.

This is what we’re hoping for you to achieve in Denmark. We hope you evolve from a student (fulfilling so many required hours and completing certain tasks) to a position of learner – someone who decides they want to attend an institution to learn as much as possible for their own benefit.

Over the last few months you’ve seen potential areas of study (and future study partners) that have helped you see there are some paths that you do not want to go down. You’ve also seen international settings that have excited you where you’ve felt at ease learning other languages, cultures and ways of thinking.

We hope that in Denmark you’ll spend a year maturing as a person, learning other ways of life. On a strictly academic level, you’ll learn to learn through projects. They’ll provide you with different subjects to work on and you’ll have to commit to one of these subjects (and drop others). Together with your teammates, you’ll then have to choose one part of this subject, but once you have it you’ll find no limitations. You’ll research, study and learn as much as you want. You can be superficial or deep, copy from the Internet or read and rewrite and edit what you have learned or incorporated yourself. You can make a basic presentation or the best you are capable of. With it, you’ll help to improve (or worsen) the work of the team to which you belong.

So, like in life, you’ll choose your level of involvement, your level of effort and you’ll achieve your best result – as long as you have done your best. Don’t compete against others, cooperation always gives better results than competition, at least at a social level, which is where humans develop. Instead, seek to do your best. And this is where your efforts and being a learner instead of a student pay off. You’re your own boss. You’re your own reward. You’re the success. There is no failure, there is no competition.

And if this was not exciting enough, you can (and should) dedicate this course to choosing your next steps – what to study and where – so that, in your new life as a student, you start to look towards your adult life.

This is why you’re in Denmark.

We hope that you’re enjoying it as much as we’d like you to and sincerely believe that you will.

Week 3. Pleasure of happiness

(29 August - 4 September 2011

I’d like to discuss aspects of pleasure and happiness that are part of our daily life and how they affect the decisions that we make. They are framed in what I like to sometimes call ‘the search for balance’, or ‘the good life’ or better, a ‘life lived well’. Let me explain.

Generally speaking, my idea is that to achieve the most ‘acceptable’ life possible, meaning, a reasonably happy life, without getting obsessed with maximums or becoming frustrated with not realising ridiculous desires, it’s necessary, or at least a good idea, to seek an individual balance between ambition and moderation, assertiveness and caution, freedom and respect, pleasure and happiness.

I know I’m trying to tell you a lot of things at the same time and I’d like to be more nuanced in my choice of words to avoid misunderstanding. You may understand one thing from a word while I’m trying saying something else.

First of all, I have to confess that I don’t have a recipe, it’s not like cooking a meal, where a series of predefined steps are followed to obtain a predictable result (more or less predictable and/or exquisite depending on the artist…). Also, I don’t pretend to know ‘the path’ or the ‘the right balance’. I don’t think there is a single, ridged or dogmatic best answer. What’s more, those people who claim to know it all and expect everyone to agree with their opinions and dogma are often self-delusional and make me feel uncomfortable.

In the context of this arduous and constant work, it seems that to reflect on pleasure and happiness is a good first step.

Before going deeper, I should emphasise two things. On the one hand, I don’t find them mutually exclusive, in other words, it’s not a matter of choosing pleasure or happiness, but of differentiating between them.

I’ve seen confused and disoriented people pursuing certain pleasures believe that they will bring them happiness. However, sometimes, the closer they come to finding pleasure, the further they find themselves from happiness.

At the same time, there those that while seeking a utopian happiness are unable to enjoy the everyday and mundane moments of happiness that little things can bring. The chance to be almost constantly happy passes them by unnoticed.

I don’t think I need to define or explain pleasure to you. You already know. You’ve experienced it in many ways, whether by playing sports or games that you like, or whether it’s at parties with your friends, or with the opposite sex, or whether it’s in things that it’s best you not tell me about. I have nothing against pleasure and its various forms, but I do have something to say about its intensity and control.

I think it’s good to ask yourself about and analyse the degree of control you have over the pleasures that you ‘consume’, in other words, the control the pleasure itself has over you; whether we actually have power over the pleasures we choose to enjoy and how much of this pleasure are we going to consume.

What we identify as our pleasures is defined over the course of our life. For example, if one day you try smoking (whether because of peer pressure or just because you like smoking) and over time it gives you pleasure, this activity will start to become part of your pleasurable habits. If, on the other hand, you find it nauseating or unpleasant, you won’t include it among your pleasurable activities. Other examples might be drinking alcohol, or taking drugs, or sexual relationships, or a long list of possible activities that are available to young people today of your social status, which, by the way, is not available to everyone.

So whatever source of pleasure you wish to consider, my advice is to ask yourself: do I have control over this source of pleasure, or does it have control over me? Do I use it when and how much I want – to the extent it depends only on me – or am I a slave to this pleasure so that when I don’t have it I’m miserable and have to chase after it and obtain it at any cost?

To make progress in a balanced life, to enjoy the ‘good life’, I believe that you have to be vigilant as to who has power over whom. You should enjoy life – I cannot imagine a greater waste than having the opportunity of being alive without enjoying it as much as possible, with the caveat of not hurting others – and, at the same time, start forming habits that allow you to have some control over the those things that, while bringing some satisfaction, may result in throwing you off course.

And the enjoyment of pleasures is one of these factors. If they start to become your masters, they can create degrees of dependence that turn this pleasure into the scourge of your life. So be careful and don’t delude yourself into falling into pathetic dependencies.

Happiness is another thing, even though it seems obvious that healthy doses of pleasure contribute to your wellbeing and a certain amount of contentment. When I talk about happiness I mean a more intimate, calm and deep feeling of satisfaction than the mere enjoyment of pleasure you may have access to.

I’d like to demystify one of the things you’re used to hearing about happiness before getting into other considerations. I’m referring to ‘the right to happiness’, which, is stated as a type of almost divine right, like a gift from the gods. I think it makes no sense.

Another thing is that we’re all looking for a degree of wellbeing and happiness because we want it, because we want things to go well. However, there is a huge difference between what we want (or even need) and what we have a right to. We don’t have this right nor does anyone have an obligation to guarantee it to us.

You live in a time and place where it seems that we all have a long list of rights that others must guarantee and obtain for us regardless of our contribution or effort made to achieve them. Some refer to the rights of the so-called welfare state: housing, work, education, medical care, social security; others to a different area, like happiness, for example.

So, even being a defender of the welfare state, or better said, a state with a marked social character, I don’t share the literalness given to these ‘rights’ (in the sense that they come to us even when we don’t fight for them) and, of course I don’t agree with demanding them from bureaucrats (including always blaming others for our ‘failures’ and frustration). Because reconciling this matter is an extensive project (with regards to the many possible ‘rights’ to deal with) and because I’ll return to some aspects in later weeks, I’ll focus on happiness.

First of all, you belong, at least for the moment, to a small, select group of human beings who have a series of means, techniques, tools, access to information, acquisitive power, etc., that no human has had in the past. If happiness were to depend on the alternatives and resources that you have – you and other middle class young people from developed countries – you would almost be ‘required’ to be the happiest humans in the history of mankind. The facts don’t seem to bear this out. Reality often has a stubborn habit of getting in the way.

It’s easy to find young people (and adults) grumbling about their luck, cursing their surroundings, envying ‘the luck’ of others, obviously being unhappy, apparently without an objective reason. Besides the very limitations of being a self-conscious human, another factor appears in your era (and partially in mine). You’re constantly surrounded by the impulse to consume, to possess objects that promise you immediate and permanent happiness. You live in a society that reminds you about these ‘rights’ (here, they are more like whims) and teaches you to demand them from others and then blame them when you don’t get whatever you want. Although this seems normal today, it’s far from what has been normal during mankind’s history and further, it doesn’t appear to contribute to satiating our true concern for achieving a certain degree of happiness.

Since your surroundings are not really helping you, you’ll have to build your own reference system in order to see where to place your hopes for happiness. You’ll look towards it to seek within yourself the pleasant feeling of serenity that happiness produces.

If you succumb to your times and happiness, which for the most part lies in satisfying the impulse to buy, in receiving approval from others to achieve a certain social status, position or recognition, in immediately satisfying each and every one of your desires, etc., you’ll probably become part of that vast group of people that go around unsatisfied and unhappy, unable to appreciate how lucky they are or recognise the possibility of happiness in their own reality while complaining about everything and blaming others for their frustration.

I don’t believe that you should be obsessed with searching for happiness. It’s enough to know how to see reasons for being happy in your daily surroundings, with the people that are really part of your life and working intensively in creating this reality and maintaining it and, especially, not depending on others (those not close to you) for your happiness. If you succumb to this age of consumerism, of fictitious needs, of superficial images and place your happiness in empty and certainly irrelevant surroundings, I’m afraid, my son, that being happy will be difficult. And a shame.

In any case, in this, and everything else, you’ll see.