No Fuss Baby & Toddler Sleep

No Fuss
BABY & TODDLER
Sleep

Niamh O’Reilly

MERCIER PRESS
Cork
www.mercierpress.ie

ISBN: 978 1 78117 317 6

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

A CIP record for this title is available from the British Library

This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold, hired out or otherwise circulated without the publisher’s prior consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or any information or retrieval system, without the prior permission of the publisher in writing.

Printed and bound in the EU.

CONTENTS

Acknowledgements

Foreword by Lucy Kennedy

Author’s note

1Pre-birth and newborn to four months

2Four to six months

3Six to twelve months

4Sleep coaching: is it for you?

5Sleep coaching technique in the cot

6Toddlers, big beds and tantrums

7Sleep disorders and things that go bump in the night

8Time changes, travelling and hospital stays

Final message

Appendix 1Sample sleep diaries

Appendix 2Testimonials

Appendix 3Useful contact details

For Ava, Sive, Caoimhe, Andrew and Jamie

I love you to the moon and back

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

My mum has never really told us if she had to undertake any sort of sleep coaching with us as kids, but I’m pretty sure none of us were textbook children. So thanks, Mum, for doing everything you always did for us, while still allowing us to become well-adjusted individuals. Dad, thanks for at least pretending to understand my career choice! You have given the four of us a perfect start through your support and love (and the slipper placed threateningly outside your bedroom door at night – which, I might add, was never used).

My gorgeous nieces, Ava and Sive, have given me first-hand experience of what it is to love and adore two small people, while, at the same time, allowing me to practise what I preach!

I’m grateful for all the babies I have cared for over the years – not just in The Nursery, but all those I have helped along the way. Thank you so much to the parents – not only for the privilege, but also for your faith in the systems I helped to put in place for you all. You have been so kind in spreading the word and helping me reach so many others.

Aisling Wynne, thank you for helping me get my business up and running a few years ago. Anne Marie Dempsey and Suzanne McGloughlin, thank you. You both know why. And Leonie Henson, I can’t begin to thank you for your wonderful, creative mind. The cover would not be what it is without your help.

A special thank you to Emily Rainsford Ryan and Christine Doran for their practical and helpful breastfeeding advice.

Finally, to all the team at Mercier Press and, in particular, Sarah Liddy, thank you for your support, patience and unwavering assistance along the way. Also, without the careful editing eyes of my aunt, Marie Dillon, and my lovely mum, Monica O’Reilly (who I realised, all too late, has a degree in English!), this publication may have been more of a leaflet than a book!

Names have been changed to protect the identity of all the families in my case studies. All parents gave me permission to include them, and I am so grateful to them all for doing so.

FOREWORD

LUCY KENNEDY

When my children, Jack and Holly, were having trouble sleeping during the night, or were waking up too early, we all struggled, and it was then that I turned to Niamh for professional advice. At the time, I was trying to be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for the nation on 2FM’s Weekend Breakfast show, but in reality I was often in a daze, with little or no recollection of the nights before!

Both I and my husband work, and were tired, emotional and at a loss. As busy parents, having a sense of what was going on with the kids, and needing them to play ball at least some of the time, was really important to us, in order to actually function in the world! Being so close to the situation, though, we were barely able to see the wood for the trees.

So, instead of questioning our own methods any further, we decided to trust someone who knew. That was Niamh.

Niamh gave us a simple routine to follow, which was easy to adopt and to understand. The routine also fitted in with our childcare situation at the time, so it wasn’t too much of a change, particularly for Holly. Niamh showed us a simple plan for daytime, which really helped with the nights and those dreaded 4.30 a.m. starts. Best of all, it worked!

Niamh reassures you and keeps you motivated through the haze of exhaustion and diminishing will-power. Knowing that someone was on our side gave us the confidence to keep going, and to make the changes that ended up really suiting our family. Niamh in your life is a must-have when you have a baby or a toddler. Or, as in our case, both!

I really trust her advice and expertise.

Fan for life.

AUTHOR’S NOTE

Welcome to my baby and toddler sleep guide, where you will find tips and techniques to help you reach the Holy Grail – extended periods of uninterrupted sleep for your family. Here you will find ways to understand why little ones wake at night and why they need your support when nodding off. It is important to know just what causes sleep troubles and disruptions, and how to approach these challenges when you are already tired.

Firstly, some background information about me. I have always had a keen interest in and huge love of babies and children. I am the eldest of four children in a very close family and, as if that wasn’t enough, I also have great relationships with my thirty cousins – who, in turn, have produced thirty-two babies, making up the next generation. They say ‘It takes a village to raise a child’, and that is certainly true in our case!

At the ripe old age of seventeen, back when I was leaving school, I really wanted to work somewhere in the field of childcare. Unfortunately (and in hindsight, misguidedly), my Career Guidance teacher had other aspirations for me; to keep everyone happy I enrolled in a Business Studies course. Nine years later I left my job in banking to study childcare full time. Finally, I was doing what I wanted. I have found my subsequent studies and work exceedingly rewarding.

After six years working in crèches, I fulfilled a long-held ambition and built my own nursery. For seven years, The Nursery became a little ‘home from home’ for babies aged from five months to eighteen months and a haven for (usually) first-time mums.

It was here that I was really able to see first-hand the difficulties parents were having in establishing good sleep habits for their children. Whilst in my care the babies would go down for their naps without much of a fuss, whereas at home anything could happen. For example, they might be allowed to fall asleep in the car or in buggies at all hours of the night. They might be sharing beds or simply sleeping really badly, no matter where.

My own favourite story (and the one that started me really thinking seriously about all of this) is of a set of parents who took turns to sleep on the floor of the baby’s room, with one arm reaching into the cot – all night!

The parents and I had great relationships, and no child-related conversation topics were off-limits. I found myself advising them about sleep habits, using a combination of my training, my experiences in The Nursery, my gut feelings and my instincts. But I had a hunch that there was more to it. So I decided it was time to explore further the minefield of infant and childhood sleep.

I closed The Nursery as a childcare service and completed a Registered Sleep Coaching course in the UK. (I was awarded ninety-seven per cent, if you don’t mind, and I assume the final three per cent was deducted for misspelling!)

So, for the past few years I have been busy consulting with families in their own homes and helping them to get their wide-awake babies into a more settled pattern of healthy sleep. I have worked with hundreds of families and it is no small boast that our track record has been excellent.

My scrapbook is filled with lovely messages of thanks received over the years from parents expressing appreciation for the help and support they received. They tell tales of relief and restorative calm in households where babies and children sleep soundly and regularly – and the parents do too!

It is easy to feel alone and upset if your child is not sleeping well and you find yourself walking the floors late at night. You can end up feeling that you are the only person in the world wide awake, in the middle of the night, suffering from sleep deprivation. Please be assured that this is not the case. You most definitely are not alone.

How to use this book

There is lots to choose from within these pages – handy daytime routines, simple explanations for various sleep disorders, tips for babies with reflux issues and simple but effective sleep techniques, to mention but a few things. You may wish to dip in and out and choose the sections that apply to you, rather than read the book from cover to cover.

If you are pregnant or have a very new baby and are hoping to get things on the right track from the beginning, start at chapter one for some advice about the early months. If your baby is more than six months old and still waking up a lot at night, chapter four, which looks at all the considerations around sleep training, will be useful.

Oh, and don’t just go looking for the ‘technique’ straight away. I give you some background information at the start of the book, which is important as part of an overall approach to tackling sleep problems – you are less likely to give up if you understand the reasons why you’re doing something!

And – before you ask – I am not a parent. Neither am I a parenting expert. I have never claimed to be one. But I have many, many years of experience with babies and toddlers and, by not having my own children I believe I can – more often than not – be a little detached from parents’ situations in a helpful way. It allows me to take an overview of the ‘big picture’ in a family and to stand aside from the emotional side of things that can sometimes be overwhelming.

Lastly, healthy sleep outcomes are not all down to me. It is always you, the parents, who are the ones to put in the necessary hard work and commitment. However, I am pleased to tell you that it can be a surprisingly short-term investment, and one that brings change for the better. The outcomes can be life altering! There are no hard-and-fast rules, just your commitment and a promise to be consistent.

Reading and reflecting on the material in this book will do nothing in itself. Practice is key. I promise that the results will speak for themselves if you do invest your time and energy in making a commitment to change. Sleep will come.

Always keep in mind that my advice is just that: advice. I am here simply to help and offer practical reassurance and guidance. But, whatever you do, please, please, please be consistent. Confusion is the last thing your child needs in the wee small hours of the morning. As I constantly say to clients, ‘Good luck. Be strong and be brave!’

I know about sleep.

Trust me!