Yossef Ohana by Yossef Ohana
Printer’s Imprint:
M B M Yossef Ohana Music Books Movies, Address: 12/2 Shenkin street, Tel Aviv, Israel,
Tel: +972506457737
eMail: yossefohana77@gmail.com
Website: http://www.yossefohana.com
Amos closed the door behind him, he turned the key twice to make sure the door is closed and tuned on the computer. He was sure his boss would not return this late.
No one was around, and the whole floor deserted, no employee in sight.
He put his phone next to him so he could answer any call that might come and logged in the chatroom with his alias. Dani25. First lie. Amos was 30 years old, his alias suggests him being five years younger that he truly was. For a while Amos logged on just to see what was happening but he never lied about his age. He knew that in one week the games were done, he was marrying Natalie. He had to smell the sweet scent of the lie one last time.
Chatroom “Fantasia”.
Emily: hi.
Dani25: hi.
Emily: what’s up.
Dani25: everything’s great. my girlfriend is abroad and I'm sitting here alone at home.
Second lie. Amos was at the office for a few hours. Alone. He felt very lonely, and he had to have a stranger girl’s voice, to unburden some of the stress from planning the wedding. His bachelor party was arranged with five of his friends for tomorrow night. And he knew that in exactly one week, after he marries Natalie, he would not be able to keep this from her.
He could not keep the secret to himself, that he like to log in the chatroom and look for excitements and new challenges. That is why he hoped that he will stop this madness in one week.
Emily: so, what are you looking for?
Dani25: to talk with someone on the phone.
Emily: what about?
Dani25: I'm quite horny.
Emily: ok. Sounds good.
Dani25: do you have a boyfriend?
Emily: yeah, but he’s out of the country. He’ll be back in two weeks.
Dani25: do you want to switch to the phone?
Emily: yes. very. What’s the number?
The ringing of Amos's phone led him to an area where he was hidden from the security cameras. Dani? A hesitant voice sounded from the other side of the line. Yes, it’s me. Amos Answered. He did not hesitate. With an authoritative voice and on the other hand also with his cynical and smiling regular voice. He could not believe what was happening. In less than five minutes of the conversation he found himself going out of the office and ditching work saying he was going out to eat. Third lie. While he actually caught a quick cab to Emily's apartment, which was a fifteen minutes' drive with the meter on. Keep the change. He told the cab driver and gave him a fifty note. A little more than he had to pay. The driver smiled and wished Amos a pleasant evening. The entrance code is 7632. Emily texted him from her apartment on the third floor. Come up. She wrote him. Door number 10. Amos went up the stairs in a building with no elevator. One floor after the other. Now he felt the bitter taste of cheating. And his curiosity increased. The thrill made him feel huge excitement. He felt like a king. And could not make himself forget this feeling. They met. Emily was naked. It took Amos only minutes to write down another betrayal. One lie led to another. And the dark magic of the sin, conquered him again.
Amos, where are you? It was Karin from the office. You said you were going out to eat, she added with a smile and could not possibly imagine in what position and situation he was in at the moment. I’m on my way he answered Karin back. Closed the phone and said to Emily. I was called to come back to work. I have to go. We’ll continue this another time. I will keep your number. I promise. We have to, said Emily and Amos got dressed and after fifty minutes from the moment he entered Emily’s apartment, he went out dressed and ran towards the main road to get a cab with the little money he had. He drove back to work. I’m sorry, he told Karin, I met a friend on the way, started talking and lost track of time. Another lie.
Amos, an average man who works in a security company, 30 years old, never lied in his entire life until today. When you start lying, he thought, it’s like a crazy train racing forward with no stops. A kind of express train going into complete darkness. A kind that transcends the line between Satan and God. He believed with all his soul that he should not lie. Amos was a Jew, non-religious. But his bond to the religion was tight and strong. Between a powerful faith in a divine entity and sacrilege, he would pray with the Siddur each morning. Even put on the Tefillin when he got up early enough. After all, the Rabbi told him at his brother’s circumcision ceremony, rise every morning an hour earlier and put on the Tefillin and in one month you will have great achievements. Amos wanted to break through. He chased success, riches and wealth. In his spare time he used to trade on stock market and so far he made a few hundred dollars. And yet, the big bucks called him. The heaps and loads of money. As of now, he was broke with a debt that only grew and a few books on his shelf promising to make his dreams come true. He also had a few digital books about becoming rich on his cellphone. He had to do something to pass the time in the early six-thirty a.m. shifts a few times a week. In the evenings he read printed-out books, no one was there after the last patrol. That was how Amos lived, on the thin line between accomplishing his dream and thinking about wealth and living in poverty in real life. Between hugely believing in himself and no substantial progress. Until he makes his first million. As he likes to say. Everyone knew he wanted to get rich from selling stocks. He even got a part in a reality show where he revealed everything about his vision becoming a millionaire. Yes. He participated in the first season of “The Big Brother”, there he lost his what would have been his first million. After the show he left the world of fame and glory and pursued more practical means of life. To the stock exchange.
When Amos got back to work that evening, he knew he did something wrong. And yet, he could not avoid it. Oh God. He thought to himself. Please forgive me for my sin. Forgive me for lying. God, as usual, forgave him. But Amos felt he had to reconnect to his positive side. Lie less and no cheating. But he could not stop this already rolling snowball. He woke up on the next day in the early afternoon and knew as soon as he got a message from Emily on the IM app WhatsApp, he would drive to her place the moment she would ask him to drop by. And so, after a quick chat he rose from the bed and found himself getting ready to go to Emily’s place. She really wanted to see him again but just a moment before he went out the door. I hope you haven’t found a cab yet. She wrote to him, something popped up. I’ll have to hold of our meeting. Amos deleted the WhatsApp chat every time he ended one of those, to avoid them being on the record and avoid Natalie finding the phone and discovering him cheating on her. Conversations filled with sex and lust for sex marked his and Emily’s chats and phone calls. If you were close, we would’ve met. She wrote him the same day. In the evening. When he was dining with his close friend. I can come now. He messaged her back. And she immediately responded. Not now. What’s up. She wrote the next morning. And told her he was home and getting ready to go to the gym. I’m going to the beach with some friends. She texted. And he continued to chat with her while getting ready. Half an hour later he found himself in Emily’s bed. Cheating again. Surrounded by lies. I broke up with my girlfriend. He told her. When in fact he was marrying Natalie in a few days.
Back to the day when he met Emily in the chatroom. It was a clear day. And did not testify to the turmoil that was about to happen in his life. Amos got to work as a security guard as usual, and did not know what to do, he was miserable, with no excitement and was looking for something new. He knew that if he spends that shift the same way as the rest of them, he would perish right there on the spot. It was evening time in the building. Everyone already went home. And Amos was in a secluded room. With no visitors coming in and no one going out.
His wedding was in a week and preparations were in full force. Natalie did not compromise on any detail. He was counting the days and hours until the wedding.
Natalie’s excitement was in full swing. But Amos had to break the routine. He did not follow her into her life production, the most marvelous wedding you would ever see. They cashed every saving, took a loan and even the parents helped with the money and thus this impossible wedding came to be true. And Amos, lacing all excitement in his life had to find a new way into his shared life with Natalie.
But he did not know what to do about this dull shift. Amos was hooked, to phone sex with nameless girls from the chat room. He could not spend the night without logging on. He was hooked to the sweet anonymous sign-in the virtual chat.
He could not stop it. He hoped that the day he marries this addiction will end but now, a week before the wedding he cannot stop logging on. And cheating on his future wife. The lies have gotten bigger. He wanted to stop. But his Evil Inclination pushed him into a corner and enticed him every time. There is an Evil Inclination in all of is, he thought, everybody sins, he decided. But were his thoughts true? At timed he thought negative thoughts and only the positive ones got him where he really wanted to be. Once, before he had a minor debt, he was a rich man working towards his first million. Then he invested all his money with a company that deceived him. He lost all his money in one year.
And in exactly one week from now he is getting married, and he finds himself one day before his desired bachelor party with a clear decision in his heart. He wants to be rich. So rich that he could help his parents, support his sister, Miri, and leave his job at the security company. To dedicate his life to what he always wanted - the stock exchange.
Two hours before he got to work he was with Natalie. Last fittings for their wedding ring in the ring store “your ring” in Mokasin Park in the city they lived. I have to tell you something, he said to Natalie, no matter what happens between us, he added, I will always be by your side and never cheat on you. That was the first lie Amos told Natalie. Because he was cheating on her with girls from the chat in the ‘Fantasia’ chat room from the day they met. But the sweet taste of the lie, the dirty pleasant game, enchanted him. He did not know what has gotten into him when he logged on the chat. He is sure now that it is a dirty game between Satan and God. because a demon came into him when he logs on the chat. The demon Amos pictures in his mind, lures him with thoughts many hours beforehand. Nagging and pestering until the demon gets his way. He is sure there are demons in this world. Otherwise he could not explain what he is going through.
These demons come to his mostly on weekends and empty nights. If he had his heart filled with love, maybe his life would have been different. Amos was sure his debt had some connection to the cheating and lying that haunt him from the day he met Natalie.
But who sent him these demons? they had a source and voices of two former friends came to his mind, one that gave up the dream about becoming a booming DJ and went off to live in Germany. The second one lives in Israel, still dreaming to break through with his raw musical talent in his blood. They were part of an unpleasant experience in Amos's past. I forgive you, he kept saying to himself, to free himself from the burden of holding a grudge. A grudge that perhaps blocks him from getting to where his heart wants. To financial wealth. He has been chasing the money without knowing himself, and without looking who is on his right or left.
Now he knows, that if he will continue to let himself be controlled by demons he would not accomplish anything in life. He must know and recognize his Evil Inclination and overcome it if he wants to make his dreams a reality be what he always wanted to be. Or maybe someone put a spell on him? He doesn’t believe in spells. Those are only in movies, he thought to himself. And discovered he was living a lie. All his life he chased success without realizing that the reason he failed was a hushed voice calling him to sin.
He made a decision about himself. To start putting on Tefillin. To reconnect to his Jewish origins. He was born Jewish, and now he is reading from the Book of Psalms on the way, praying with the Siddur and keeping the Sabbath. God never revealed himself to him but sent to him the right people and now he understood that if he was to stop sinning, he must reconnect to God and his Jewish roots. And then his Evil Inclination got stronger instead of weakening but help from God increased as well. He phones his best friend Golan. Say, want to catch Julia Roberts’s latest movie? Asked Amos while he was standing in the center of the huge Dizengoff Center mall. The movie starts in half an hour. Where are you now? Amos asked and they both met after ten minutes. Because Golan was around. A determined decision was formed in his mind as the movie ended.
He knew that if he wanted his Evil Inclination to weaken, he has to be pure. And here began the journey. To chase all that is pure and all that makes him pure. He knew God will keep his secrets and would not betray them to his friends that failed him in the distant past. He knew God will keep him from evil, if only he were pure. Miri called him after the movie and asked him whether he will come to visit his parents that weekend and mentioned she has not seen him a long time. It’s good that you’re calling he told her with a smile and decided to tell her the truth and only the truth. But something kept him from saying the wards I am cheating on Natalie. Yes, he said, I’ll be there. And how are you? How are your girls? He inquired and they both were carried away with a conversation that lasted into the night about the movie he saw and about his life in the passing week. No word about his decision to be pure. He thought this was a very private and personal decision and kept it to himself. After an hour and a half they ended the conversation and agreed to meet at their parents' house for a Friday supper in two days.
A few hours before him meeting Natalie for fitting the wedding ring, Amos arrived to Peter’s office. His psychologist. You have to understand the signs to your problem, Peter pointed out. You have to cut back your expenses if you want to reach your goals, the shrink added and a clear decision was formed in Amos's mind that wandered towards a different place entirely. Here in this conversation he understood he had to go with his happiness, there lies God’s power, there lies the way to stop sinning.
The conversation ended after a half hour session, and the responsibility to feel better lied in Amos's hands. He understood that if he takes control over his life, he would feel good. And if he felt better for a while, the treatment will end and he could go to New York to accomplish his biggest financial dream.
Amos lest the session with Peter and walked home, there he noted his Evil Inclination taking over again, log on the chat, a thought passed through his mind. And Amos, instead of overtaking the magic demon, understood even before taking another step, with no explanation, his fingers slid across the browser app and he logged on. He started to post in the general feed. Taken man is looking for the one to thrill him. He wrote and waited for private comments that did not come. What is happening? Amos asked himself, it usually takes seconds until some girl takes the bait. And here he found himself for two hours with no personal conversation. And then Natalie came home.
He closed the chat and dedicated all of himself to Natalie and fitting the wedding ring. All through the meeting with her he smiled. It was hard for him to keep that smile, because the lie behind it was bitter and sweet at the same time. He knew that if she finds out he is lying and cheating on her, there is, a not so small chance, that the wedding will be called off and he will find himself single again, and not just single, but also broke with a big dream that he did not accomplish.
The fitting with Natalie went smoothly. She did not feel he was hiding a thing from her and here he is again signing on again, this time from work, then, as said, was the time he met Emily.
Emily broke every possible record in sex that they shared, it was the most exciting affiliation in all of this thirty years of existing. He knew that this affiliation could last years but deep down in his heart he hoped it would end soon. Only that way he could devote himself to the arms of the One, Natalie, his future wife. And maybe she is not the one? He pondered, he knew his Evil Inclination was there again. A man can know when it comes, Amos felt in his heart, because the thought that makes him feel good depends on the Good Inclination and what makes him feel bad is rooted with the Bad Inclination and sin. Amos wanted to feel pure, he decided to step away from the chat room. Step away from the cheating but the lying continued when he did not stop going online, though with less regularity but still, once a day the demon attacked and he succumbed to the its wishes.
Evening arrived. Natalie was with her friends and then she was going to her parents. And he was alone in their apartment. He knew that for him to be pure he has to study the Torah. So he opened the book and started to read Genesis. He found what his soul was searching. Amos found the light hidden in Judaism. He understood that the choice was his. God does not make him or any of us to go after the Divine truth. God gave him a choice. And man knows, Amos thought. Because going after the Evil Inclination and the demons leads to failure, but going after the Good inclination leads to success. Sin leads to defeat. Purity leads to success.
Amos fell asleep. He made it without signing in the chat tonight. But he knew it was only temporary because the next day will not pass without him logging in.
Thursday came and his bachelor party was tonight. He took that day off to get up with no alarm clock and so he could rest. However, he did not know what to expect from that day. He did not think it would be a fateful day in his life. The stocks he invested in made a big profit and five thousand dollars checked in his bank account.
Amos was sure the previous night had something to do with his momentary success. He scored in the field he has been dreaming about for ten years. And here he was pure enough to overpower his demons last night and first thing in the morning he got the message about the profit his stock made.
He was sure he cracked the formula to success. But just as he figured out the way, his Evil Inclination attacked and Amos signed in the chat. Downfall. After a few talks he saw that the chatroom was not his place. The taste of triumph was sweeter than the taste of the lie. And greater that the sweetness of betrayal.
Amos saw that if he wants to accomplish his biggest dream, he has to go only with the good Inclination, come closer with God, read as much as he could from the scripture and overcome his Evil Inclination and demons every single day, all day. Only then, he will be able to achieve his greatest dream: to go to New York and trade in the World's Stock Exchange, and make his first billion dollars. Becoming the family first billionaire.
However, in order to become a billionaire you have to become a millionaire first, he reckoned. He decided that he would stay in Israel until he gets his first million and only then go to New York. Natalie stood behind every decision he made and strengthened him and it.
And he could stay stuck where he was now. And he could start the journey towards his dream.
He got the instructions for success. But the courage to make his dream true, and follow those instructions, he did not have the will and the power for it. And maybe it could be a new prayer to God. And maybe he has to ask the universe to be strong enough. Amos believed in the power if the universe to shape his reality with the power of his mind.
He knew that if a person thinks a thought and starts repeating it over and over and does not stop, he was planting a seed in a fertile ground and as long as he keeps thinking that thought, he was watering that seed that grows into a mighty tree. And something happens in the universe originating from that thought.
Amos knew that the thought shapes his reality. And he must change his thoughts because he wants his life to change. And it made him happy. That he is starting to make his dream come true. He paid off his debt in the bank in one moment of success when his stock that made five thousand dollars in profit. I know this is a sign for our future. Natalie told him, I know you will succeed. Amos smiled a bitter smile. He wanted to eat himself from the inside and that the ground will open up and drag him down. He wanted to die. He could not live with lie. Natalie, he told her, I want to tell you something, he added and after a few long moments of thinking Natalie asked - what? What is it? I know I will make it. Amos said but I know that this success is only because of your support. He said. He decided the lie would stay in his heart. He did not want to ruin a wedding in one moment. He did not want to break up with Natalie. She was very important to him, and only the thought of not being with her made his skin crawl. He felt a sharp intuition that he must stay with her no matter if he changes or not. If his life would be rich or he would not accomplish his dream at all. He knew with all his heart that her love gives him power to move on, to fulfill himself as he never knew how to do alone. And he understood that he wants a warm and loving hug from her but he took a step back.
The gap between his heart and what was happening was as big as the Everest. On the inside he wanted to surround her with love, but the lie. The bitter lie. The sweet betrayal. And all the feelings that came after lived in him and burned in chaos. He wanted to throw up.
But on the other hand he knew with all his heart that no matter what happens to him, he would never leave her. No. Amos decided. I am going to marry Natalie no matter what happens to me, he thought to himself turned and walked to the kitchen. He had to put something in his mouth. In the fridge there was nothing to drink but some alcohol. Amos felt great thirst, opened the bottle and started drinking. Glass after glass after glass. His bachelor party has not started yet. It was early morning and Amos was already drunk.
He entered the bedroom and collapsed emotionally. Crumpled on the mattress. Natalie was in the shower and did not witness what was going on in the kitchen and bedroom.
When she got out and found him on the bed, she thought he went to rest before tonight, the party with his friends. She did not notice the empty bottle in the kitchen and went out for some errands in the city. Amos woke up. He was blurry. Did not know where he was. At his bachelor party or, as his surroundings show, his home.
He went into the kitchen and saw the open bottle and remembered. He remembered drinking from it. He knew gulp it all.
It was midday already. Natalie? He shouted. Natalie. Where are you? Are you here? He continued calling her but there was no answer. A note on the bedroom door. I went out for some errands with friends, she wrote him, I will be back after you’ll leave, enjoy your bachelor party, she added.
The note ended with a drawing of a wide smile and a heart. An arrow went through Amos's heart when he saw the drawing of the heart. What am I going to do with myself? He asked himself and went on what now? I am a cheater. I am a sinner. I am a liar. I have to change.
Amos went into the bedroom. Took his Tefillin and started to wrap them around his arm. He put on his Kippah opened his Siddur and started bawling to God. Hear O Israel the Lord our God the Lord is One. He called from the prayer book with a cry to the sky. God help me from sins, he asked in his heart and felt life the whole universe hears his request.
Amos's soul cried to the sky. He felt he had to change. A feeling of huge longing to accomplish his dream permeated into his heart. He knew it was not the time to go to New York. and he felt he had to stay home in the next hour, to keep reading. To keep praying. He opened the Torah after the morning blessing, and kept praying to God to save him. To put him out of the situation he was in. An enlightenment came over him and through his body, he felt God was starting to show him the way to success.
He finished praying and closed the Torah book and put it on top of the Siddur marking the page he had reached, got into his bed, put on his earphones and started to listen to his music player.
‘The ways to an Enlightened Success’ played in his ears. A book that shows the principles of success by one of the great spiritual gurus in the world Kapid Harpuch. You must lie and listen. Without listening to music and without reading any book, just lie and listen let everything go and listen to the universe. Being calm and start having a dialog with the universe and it will spread itself before you, Kapid read from the book he wrote.
Amos stopped the recording. And lay as Kapid instructed. He felt his heart filling with love. He knew that if he fills himself with love his Evil Inclination will weaken, if he persists following his happiness for a long time, magic will happen in his life.
After half an hour he continued listening to the book, with his earphones as he was making a salad. Kapid mentioned on of the most important principles and read from his book, if you want to succeed, when you enter someone's home, give them a present, or a blessing in your heart. Although he felt a bit weak from the alcohol he drank earlier, he decided to go out and look for a present for his parents, because tomorrow he will visit them for dinner and he wanted to carry out the principle of success that he heard from Kapids’ book. He found a house-blessing framed and decorated with silver and bronze, paid the needed amount and the saleswoman wrapped his gift in a special wrapping paper. He knew from this day every time he enters the home of someone he will give them a present. Or a house-blessing.
And that is how he made a habit of the first success principle, and it made him a better person. He understood that his purpose in this world, was not wealth, a lot of money and being a millionaire but to be a better person.d decided to fill his heart with love at every moment of his life.